I'm currently sitting in my room feeling like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, not that I think I'm about to scuttle off and form a cocoon and emerge a beautiful butterfly or in human terms a new person. It's just because I'm smoking my shisha from Istanbul like him and trying -unsuccessfully- to make some sort of shapes, I obviously can't do letters like he can. I have James Vincent McMorrow's Early in the Morning playing and I'm literally just contemplating, I'm contemplating everything. What I have figured out is that I now predict my behaviour, well sometimes anyway. I know it sounds very odd, it's highly likely that this is making no sense. Actually more than highly likely but extremely probably because my head isn't making much sense at the moment. I've reached that sunny age where I'm pretty certain of my likes and dislikes, I don't go through fads like I did when I was an adolescent. I like the things I like and I'll force feed them to anybody who will listen. What I have figured out is how acutely aware I am of people's behaviour well to an extent anyway. What I have always known but was kindly reiterated to me earlier today by my mother is that I am defeatist and also to an extent a misanthrope. What I have come to realise about yours truly is that I still don't have a bloody clue about anything. This sounds so teen angst, bullet for my valentine playing in the background -please excuse the stereotype- emo. But I am not that whatsoever, I'm just a little confused, possible all this contemplating has just turned my mind upside down. I can't think or even form a coherent sentence, what started off so well, went off on a tangent and finally got run over by a 10 tonne truck.